Divorce — It Does Not Have To Be One Size Fits All

This article was originally published in Mendham Neighbors Magazine in August 2023.

If you’re considering a divorce, the end goal is clear: to get divorced. But how do you get there? I am surprised that even today, most people believe that going to court is the only way to resolve a divorce. However, there are many options. This is your life and, if children are involved, their lives too, and it is crucial for you to understand your options so you can select the best process for you and your family. Don’t forget, you have the power to direct how things progress.

The first step is being ready. Hopefully, you have spoken to friends, family and even a therapist, but what next? Speak to a divorce lawyer (and I’m not saying this because I am one) because they can identify issues, discuss outcomes, and provide different approaches to divorce. Even if you aren’t ready, you will know about the process and possible outcomes should you choose to proceed in the future.

If you do proceed, aside from simply going to court, here are the other options for resolving your divorce in New Jersey.

In mediation, two parties hire a neutral third party, typically a lawyer trained in mediation, to help resolve their issues. It is a confidential process—nothing discussed in mediation can be revealed in court. This is a good choice if you and your spouse are amicable and:

• Need assistance finding creative solutions;
• Don’t have many issues that need to be addressed; or
• Have emotional issues to deal with but want to keep things amicable.

If you choose mediation, you only need to hire a mediator. However, the mediator only helps reach the resolution drafted into the parties’ agreement and cannot advise on the law or put the divorce through the courts. Therefore, the parties might hire a lawyer to advise or put the divorce through the courts to enter the Judgment of Divorce, making it official.

In a collaborative divorce, the parties each hire a professional, typically lawyers who are trained in this process. In the beginning, the parties sign an agreement stating they will remain in the process until an agreement is reached. This process is confidential and outcome-driven.The parties can bring in other professionals to find solutions. There is no timeline, although the parties can set one and decide how issues are addressed and resolved. If the parties decide that the process is no longer working and they want to leave the agreement, they must hire new lawyers and go back a few steps.

Cooperative divorce isn’t an officially defined process, but typically each party hires their own lawyers, working with them to resolve matters amicably and outside of court. It is almost identical to collaborative divorce, except that the parties do not enter into an agreement that binds them to this process and do not have to hire new lawyers should it fail.

Arbitration is most similar to going to court when the parties determine they want the arbitration to be conducted as a trial, but there are other options even there.  The main difference is that the parties hire their own “judge” to decide the issues. The benefits are that arbitration moves fairly quickly, the parties can determine how the matter will proceed, and it can remain private and confidential. Arbitration is very effective for limited issues, time-sensitive issues, or post-judgment (after the divorce) matters that linger because courts don’t have time to hear these matters.

You can also move between these processes. You may start in mediation but realize that certain issues need a third party and move to arbitration. You can begin collaboratively but then decide you need the mediator assistance. The point is that you don’t have to rush to court and can choose what will work best for you and your family.

This article was originally published in Mendham Neighbors Magazine in August 2023.